If you are expecting that I am going to praise all the mothers here, you are wrong. I think we have heard enough quotes flooded in Facebook and Internet about how wonderful and how great a mother is. You don’t need me to tell you that. Let’s talk about some real facts now.
Being a Mother is not just a Chance:
Yes, you heard it right!! I believe being a mother is not just a chance. It’s a choice we make for our own happiness, though we know it comes with a lot of compromises. There are some who would have a kid to save a relationship, some do it because they are getting old, others because of a parental pressure that they need to see their grandkids before they die and some because it is the only time when they can take a break from their career. It’s a long list though but only some do it when they are actually ready to raise a kid.
Though it’s a life changing the decision we are usually in denial about the future and whatever the reason may be, we choose to do it because it seems to be the best option at that time. We shouldn’t be blaming anyone for this because that is who we are. It’s the hope that keeps us running. We expect it to change our lives in a better way. We need to learn to embrace this reality and not repine about what happened in the past if you wish to become the mother which your kids would love you to be.
To make matters worse, we do have many people around us advising us on what went wrong with our kids, how we should have raised them, especially for the first time mothers who are already very much confused. And anything we say we keep hearing ” oh! You are not the only one who raised a kid. We did it without any problem. You are thinking a little too much. You are unnecessarily anxious.” Trust me you will also hear that the maximum time you need to spend with the kid is the first year of birth. The rest is just going to be a cake walk.
Really?? Tell me, is this true?? Agonising as it sounds, some don’t even have the support from their spouses, who keep themselves busy earning for their kids future. The fact that you don’t have people around you to understand, to hear what you are going through shatters the little confidence that you have. Some react by becoming anxious and overprotective about their kids, some by resuming their work early leaving the kids to the grandparents and others keep regretting their choice of becoming a mother. The irony is that it all ends up affecting our kids.
We shouldn’t be judging anyone because of their choices. Sacrificing everything to stay with your kids doesn’t make you a great mother, in the same way, being a working mother doesn’t make you cold. As you know love is measured in quality, not the quantity.
An Overprotective Mother:
An overprotective mother is not going to help the kids in anyway better than a withdrawn mother. Our kids are our mirrors. How they are will tell you what you have done to them. You may be lucky if you have someone supporting you in this. But those who don’t acknowledge you, won’t help you either. Often this becomes your own battle and the only person who can help you is you, yourself.
Stand up for what you believe and never give up what you want. Like every kid is different, every mother is different too. Don’t give others so much importance in your life that eventually you lose yourself in this. There are no set rules for raising a kid. The trick is to follow your heart. Don’t repeat what you regret.
A mother who is not satisfied with her own life can never make her kids happy. Yes, it comes with a hell lot of adjustments but it is still never too late to live your dreams. Love yourself before you expect others to love you back. Buying your favourite dress, going for a late night party, working till late hours, spending a little time for yourself shouldn’t be guilty anymore. The only thing that should make you guilty is that you are neglecting your kid when you are back. It is appalling when you look back upon your own life and you end up thinking that you are not there in it.
After all, the prize at stake here is our kids love right? But all you feel is a deep regret for what you have sacrificed and your kids looking upon you as an emotional burden. This for sure I believe isn’t what anybody would like to end up with.
You don’t become a great mother just by giving birth. You become one when your son learns that the only thing that can make him a good father is to be a good husband to your daughter in law and your daughter learns that it’s not at all a daunting task to be a mother and she can still be herself even when she is one, just like how her mother was:)
I say don’t let the process of giving a beginning to a life bury that little girl in you. Who is full of dreams, aspirations and an enduring passion for accomplishing whatever she believes in!!
Happy Mothers Day!